I cannot believe how much my little Caroline has changed in the last three months. A few days ago she hit the nine month mark. WHAT?
This baby is beyond good. She is sweeter than ever and so content. Everywhere we go people ask if she is this good all the time. Yes, ALL the time. I just can't get enough of her!
Milestones: At about seven months she decided she had places to go and became this little steam roller throughout the house. She can get from one end of the living room to the next in no time. Since then she has mastered the art of getting to her toys with just a few rolls. She is SO CLOSE to crawling right now too. She gets up on all fours and just rocks away. It's pretty adorable. I am not too interested in her being mobile yet but it has to happen eventually! She's also starting clapping those chubby little hands together and giggling (mostly when you tickle her chin).
Say what? It happened again. While I thought I heard it squeak out a few times before, now I know that her first official word was "dada". Of course it was. Just like her sister. This time, however, I didn't get too worked up about it because I know in about two years I'll hear, "mama" about 250 times a day. Eventually she did start saying my name but conveniently it's only when she is ready for a bottle or starting to fuss.
Sleep: It's a miracle (I say that with fingers crossed). Shortly after my Choas post, a miracle occured. She went to sleep without much of a fuss. It's been that way for a month or two now. Now we do a bottle in her room and I rock with her a few minutes (if she lets me) and then she goes to bed and plays around quietly for a few minutes before passing out. I cannot even believe it took this long! Not sure if it was a coincidence or not (doubt it), but this change happened at the very same time she started rolling over in her bed and sleeping on her belly. Happily, she now sleeps from 7:30pm - around 6-7am. Whoo-hoo! Occasionally she may get up in the middle of the night but I can handle that since it really is our only alone time.
Foods: We made some progress here. She is still at four bottles a day, though typically she only finishes two of them. Within the last week I noticed her getting up to eat more at night so I gave her more food throughout the day and that seems to do the trick. We are at about 4-5 jars of baby food each day. The "real" food, however, is a different story. So far she's had mashed potatoes (loves them), mum mums and cheerios. I'm gonna have to work on this. Why is it so much harder the second time?
Stats:
Height: 29.25" (94th%)
Weight: Just shy of 20lbs (75.68th%)
Complete and Utter Chaos
Yep, that's the only way to describe our lives right now. If you know anything about me, you know I love routine. I thrive on having a schedule. I like things to go according to plan.
I lost a little bit of this when Lyla was born. After a while we got it together and figured out a new kind of routine. But we still had one. Welp. Those days are over.
Caroline is five months old already and we still can't get our act together. From sun up to sun down is complete chaos. All schedules have been thrown out the window. The house is destroyed. We don't sleep. Caroline still can't decide if she wants to sleep through the night or party all night long.
You'd think after a long day of crazy town I'd, like most parents, really look forward to bedtime. Nope. Bedtime has now become an absolute nightmare. I was always worried about one of them waking up the other so we tried to put them down at the same time. What ended up happening is I would take care of Lyla and Eric would take Caroline. After a while I felt like I was missing out of the same special time I had with Lyla right before bed. So we started switching every other night. Lyla was NOT a fan. She loves her mama and only wanted me to put her to bed. Before we knew it, the bedtime routine became an hour long ordeal with Lyla. All the while, Caroline was screaming her brains out. Even after half-assed attempt at sleep training, she just won't settle down an night. Most nights she screams anywhere from 45 minutes - 2 hours.
It heart-wrenching, exhausting, frustrating, you name it. While Caroline cries, Lyla wants a book read, her back rubbed, a song sang, her lippy on, her pillows fixed, her dolls and animals all lined up perfectly in her bed, to jump one last time, only certain blankets...the list goes on and on. Just when you think you can't take it anymore she says, "Night-night, love you, too doo loo". Come on!
By the time it is over, I decide not to clean my disgusting house, workout or do laundry. Instead I crash into bed, waiting for my next wake up call...that comes sooner than I'd like. Here's an example of our schedule right now (on a work day):
5:30am - Alarm goes off for work (me, not Eric)
5:45am-Lyla wakes up and cries as I turn on the shower
6:15am - Wake up Caroline for bottle
6:30am - Chase Lyla to get dressed
6:45am - Leave house for Chris'
7:30am - Enjoy some quiet time on the way to work
8:00am - Work
5:45pm (if I am lucky) - Home from work
5:50pm - Feed Lyla and maybe Eric and I too
6:15pm - Play
6:30pm - Bath time (yes, on work nights I only have time to play for 15 minutes)
7:00pm - Pj's for LL, Bottle for CC
7:15pm - 8:30pm - Bedtime Nightmare ensues
8:30pm - Eric and I have our nightly pep talk, "It will get better"
8:45pm - Mommy goes to sleep
10:30pm - Caroline cries for bottle
1:00am - Lyla cries. She either cold, scared or having a dream
2:30am - Caroline cries for a bottle
3:30am- 4:15am - Eric's alarm goes off every 8 minutes
4:15am - 5:00am - I lay awake thinking Caroline is about to wake up.
5:30am - Alarm goes off for work. Here we go again.
It's true. This is just a phase. Soon enough we'll be throwing homework and activities in the mix. Soon enough they'll be sleeping until I have to wake them up at noon. Soon enough I'll come home to a quiet house and Eric and I will eat our dinner and then wonder what to do with our night. I will long for these days. That fact is not lost on me. For now, I'll take advantage of the quiet time I get with Caroline in the middle of the night and stock up on caffeine during the day.
I lost a little bit of this when Lyla was born. After a while we got it together and figured out a new kind of routine. But we still had one. Welp. Those days are over.
Caroline is five months old already and we still can't get our act together. From sun up to sun down is complete chaos. All schedules have been thrown out the window. The house is destroyed. We don't sleep. Caroline still can't decide if she wants to sleep through the night or party all night long.
You'd think after a long day of crazy town I'd, like most parents, really look forward to bedtime. Nope. Bedtime has now become an absolute nightmare. I was always worried about one of them waking up the other so we tried to put them down at the same time. What ended up happening is I would take care of Lyla and Eric would take Caroline. After a while I felt like I was missing out of the same special time I had with Lyla right before bed. So we started switching every other night. Lyla was NOT a fan. She loves her mama and only wanted me to put her to bed. Before we knew it, the bedtime routine became an hour long ordeal with Lyla. All the while, Caroline was screaming her brains out. Even after half-assed attempt at sleep training, she just won't settle down an night. Most nights she screams anywhere from 45 minutes - 2 hours.
It heart-wrenching, exhausting, frustrating, you name it. While Caroline cries, Lyla wants a book read, her back rubbed, a song sang, her lippy on, her pillows fixed, her dolls and animals all lined up perfectly in her bed, to jump one last time, only certain blankets...the list goes on and on. Just when you think you can't take it anymore she says, "Night-night, love you, too doo loo". Come on!
By the time it is over, I decide not to clean my disgusting house, workout or do laundry. Instead I crash into bed, waiting for my next wake up call...that comes sooner than I'd like. Here's an example of our schedule right now (on a work day):
5:30am - Alarm goes off for work (me, not Eric)
5:45am-Lyla wakes up and cries as I turn on the shower
6:15am - Wake up Caroline for bottle
6:30am - Chase Lyla to get dressed
6:45am - Leave house for Chris'
7:30am - Enjoy some quiet time on the way to work
8:00am - Work
5:45pm (if I am lucky) - Home from work
5:50pm - Feed Lyla and maybe Eric and I too
6:15pm - Play
6:30pm - Bath time (yes, on work nights I only have time to play for 15 minutes)
7:00pm - Pj's for LL, Bottle for CC
7:15pm - 8:30pm - Bedtime Nightmare ensues
8:30pm - Eric and I have our nightly pep talk, "It will get better"
8:45pm - Mommy goes to sleep
10:30pm - Caroline cries for bottle
1:00am - Lyla cries. She either cold, scared or having a dream
2:30am - Caroline cries for a bottle
3:30am- 4:15am - Eric's alarm goes off every 8 minutes
4:15am - 5:00am - I lay awake thinking Caroline is about to wake up.
5:30am - Alarm goes off for work. Here we go again.
It's true. This is just a phase. Soon enough we'll be throwing homework and activities in the mix. Soon enough they'll be sleeping until I have to wake them up at noon. Soon enough I'll come home to a quiet house and Eric and I will eat our dinner and then wonder what to do with our night. I will long for these days. That fact is not lost on me. For now, I'll take advantage of the quiet time I get with Caroline in the middle of the night and stock up on caffeine during the day.
The Artist Formerly Known as Megan
This post is a tough one. I struggled as to whether or not to write it but here goes. My baby is four months old and I am still struggling, emotionally. Sure, the worst of it is over, but I still have lingering feelings of just not being back to myself. I think this time, these feelings are lasting a little bit longer. Yes, I love being a mom, but I often feel like there is nothing left of the Megan I was. Nothing.
I don't sleep. I can't pee in private. I never leave the house. My kids dictate every single move I make.
The nights I work are the worst. I spend most of those nights feeding kids, struggling to pay attention to both (Caroline usually gets screwed on that one), fighting about bedtime and then sitting in Caroline's room for two hours while she cries.
Many of those nights I just sit there and feel sorry for myself. I will never be the same again. I feel like I am not fun anymore. I feel like I don't get excited for anything anymore because just when I think I might try to get back some of that old Megan, a kid gets sick and my plans change. I even emailed Catherine at one point and and told her there was no use in trying to hang out until our kids were 18. I know, deep down, that my kids just need all of me at this point. Some day I might regret pushing everyone else away because, all too soon, my girls won't need me as much and I won't know what to do with my time. Basically I was having a pity party.
Now that the fog has lifted a bit, I realize how down in the dumps I really was. Conversations with Eric also confirmed this attitude. He was worried. Do we call it depression? Do I blame the hormones that are still trying to get back to normal? Do I blame the fact that it is winter and we haven't left the house other than to work? Who knows. What I do know is that it is normal. I need to find other ways to get a little bit of Megan back. Slowly but surely I see glimpses of her. The fact of the matter is, I will never be that Megan again. I am mom now. It took me a bit to realize that I can be both.
I don't sleep. I can't pee in private. I never leave the house. My kids dictate every single move I make.
The nights I work are the worst. I spend most of those nights feeding kids, struggling to pay attention to both (Caroline usually gets screwed on that one), fighting about bedtime and then sitting in Caroline's room for two hours while she cries.
Many of those nights I just sit there and feel sorry for myself. I will never be the same again. I feel like I am not fun anymore. I feel like I don't get excited for anything anymore because just when I think I might try to get back some of that old Megan, a kid gets sick and my plans change. I even emailed Catherine at one point and and told her there was no use in trying to hang out until our kids were 18. I know, deep down, that my kids just need all of me at this point. Some day I might regret pushing everyone else away because, all too soon, my girls won't need me as much and I won't know what to do with my time. Basically I was having a pity party.
Now that the fog has lifted a bit, I realize how down in the dumps I really was. Conversations with Eric also confirmed this attitude. He was worried. Do we call it depression? Do I blame the hormones that are still trying to get back to normal? Do I blame the fact that it is winter and we haven't left the house other than to work? Who knows. What I do know is that it is normal. I need to find other ways to get a little bit of Megan back. Slowly but surely I see glimpses of her. The fact of the matter is, I will never be that Megan again. I am mom now. It took me a bit to realize that I can be both.
4(ish) Months In
I've come to the conclusion that 4 months old might be my favorite age. Caroline is really starting to show her personality and let me tell you, she is the sweetest thing you'll ever meet. And I am not just saying that because I am her mom :) She is a pretty laid back kid and her smiles are plentiful. I mean, one look at her and she just lights up. While she is fun at this age, she is also not mobile yet...which I why I think it is my favorite. Here are some four month stats.
Weight: 14lbs. 6 oz.
I still call her my little hubba bubba. Her cheeks make her appear to be a big baby, but she is right on track and in the 50th percentile.
Eating: We've finally started to sink into a little bit of an eating routine She generally takes about 6 ounces 5x a day. Spit up is still an issue, but I barely even notice anymore.
Sleeping: Still a disaster. Most nights it still takes quite a while for her to calm down and relax. We tried the whole bedtime routine with books, songs, quiet time, but the minute you put her in that crib she starts screaming, sometimes up to two hours. A lot of the time, I just sit in her room and making "shushing" sounds but to no avail. Not even the dreaded sound machine can calm her. There is, however, a silver lining. Once she finally falls asleep, she stays that way for about 13 hours. Whoot whoot!
Milestones: Just like her sister, she's rolled over once at this point. It came to her pretty easily but now refuses to do it again. In her defense, she doesn't get much tummy time as our tiny house and her hyper-active sister don't allow for much of that. It's something we will work on, but I am not going to encourage much mobility at this point, after all, I know the chaos that comes with a mobile baby.
New Nickname: She has many, but we just recently started calling her Julie Drooly. This kid drools like crazy. I wasn't expecting teeth so early but between the drool and the constant gnawing on her hands, those little white nubs may make an appearance sooner than expected.
Weight: 14lbs. 6 oz.
I still call her my little hubba bubba. Her cheeks make her appear to be a big baby, but she is right on track and in the 50th percentile.
Eating: We've finally started to sink into a little bit of an eating routine She generally takes about 6 ounces 5x a day. Spit up is still an issue, but I barely even notice anymore.
Sleeping: Still a disaster. Most nights it still takes quite a while for her to calm down and relax. We tried the whole bedtime routine with books, songs, quiet time, but the minute you put her in that crib she starts screaming, sometimes up to two hours. A lot of the time, I just sit in her room and making "shushing" sounds but to no avail. Not even the dreaded sound machine can calm her. There is, however, a silver lining. Once she finally falls asleep, she stays that way for about 13 hours. Whoot whoot!
Milestones: Just like her sister, she's rolled over once at this point. It came to her pretty easily but now refuses to do it again. In her defense, she doesn't get much tummy time as our tiny house and her hyper-active sister don't allow for much of that. It's something we will work on, but I am not going to encourage much mobility at this point, after all, I know the chaos that comes with a mobile baby.
New Nickname: She has many, but we just recently started calling her Julie Drooly. This kid drools like crazy. I wasn't expecting teeth so early but between the drool and the constant gnawing on her hands, those little white nubs may make an appearance sooner than expected.
Parenthood
Parenthood is absolutely the most emotionally debilitating thing ever. For real. Some days I really feel like I have it all together. Most days I don't. It started the night we brought Lyla home and I've been a ball of anxiety ever since. At first I worried that something horrible would happen to her. Then I started to worry that something horrible would happen to me or Eric and she'd have to live with that. Since Caroline has been home, the feelings are totally overwhelming.
Each night I feel like I disappointed someone in some way. During the day I am fine, but during those late night feedings or in my down time after they are both in bed I start to really question myself, even feel sorry for myself that I don't have it all together. I feel like I worry so much about "getting through" the rough spots and I am going to blink and realize they weren't so bad after all.
I have ridiculous mom guilt. From the moment Caroline came home I've tried my very best to give Lyla just as much attention as I did before. Sometimes to a fault. Sometimes I feel like that hurt my bonding time with Caroline. In those first few weeks it felt like Lyla was mine and Caroline was Eric's. It upset me when people would say Caroline would be Eric's favorite (for the record, he never said it). Why do people feel the need to attach favorites? That makes me nuts. And made me even more obsessed to doting on Lyla in case she heard someone say it. But then on the other hand, I feel tremendous guilt that I don't get to spend enough one on one time with Caroline. I worry that in me trying to accomodate Lyla, CeCe is getting neglected in the process. Even when I do get to spend time with her, Lyla is right there in her face.
I compare being a mother of two to being a ping pong ball. Literally all day, you bounce back and forth between them trying to make everyone happy. Eric and I play pass the kids all evening. I don't know how single mothers do it with infants.
I know I am not alone in this. Every other mother I know feels the same way. I just honestly didn't think it would effect me so deeply and so physically. It hurts to be a mom.
Not really even sure what the point of this post is, but I felt the need to rant without a plan. So there.
Each night I feel like I disappointed someone in some way. During the day I am fine, but during those late night feedings or in my down time after they are both in bed I start to really question myself, even feel sorry for myself that I don't have it all together. I feel like I worry so much about "getting through" the rough spots and I am going to blink and realize they weren't so bad after all.
I have ridiculous mom guilt. From the moment Caroline came home I've tried my very best to give Lyla just as much attention as I did before. Sometimes to a fault. Sometimes I feel like that hurt my bonding time with Caroline. In those first few weeks it felt like Lyla was mine and Caroline was Eric's. It upset me when people would say Caroline would be Eric's favorite (for the record, he never said it). Why do people feel the need to attach favorites? That makes me nuts. And made me even more obsessed to doting on Lyla in case she heard someone say it. But then on the other hand, I feel tremendous guilt that I don't get to spend enough one on one time with Caroline. I worry that in me trying to accomodate Lyla, CeCe is getting neglected in the process. Even when I do get to spend time with her, Lyla is right there in her face.
I compare being a mother of two to being a ping pong ball. Literally all day, you bounce back and forth between them trying to make everyone happy. Eric and I play pass the kids all evening. I don't know how single mothers do it with infants.
I know I am not alone in this. Every other mother I know feels the same way. I just honestly didn't think it would effect me so deeply and so physically. It hurts to be a mom.
Not really even sure what the point of this post is, but I felt the need to rant without a plan. So there.
Back to Work
I've been thinking (dreading) about this day since Caroline was a day old. Tomorrow I go back to work, and everything I have worked to get in order for three months will be shot to shit.
When I was still pregnant, I wasn't exactly sure how long of a break I would take. Because I am part time, I do not get a partially paid maternity leave. I had to use my vacation days wisely. I estimated I could take about 10 weeks off and survive. I started thinking about this the day after Caroline was born. Every time I did, my stomach would drop and I would be a ball of anxiety. How could I possibly manage two kids, a household and a job? People do it all the time, but how could I do it? When people would ask when I was going back to work, I would just say around Thanksgiving and never really let myself look at a calendar and decide. When I finally had to, it just worked out with the holiday that I would go back the Monday after Thanksgiving. This meant I was able to spend 12 glorious weeks and home with my babies. More than most, so I couldn't complain.
Going back to work meant I would have to start showering on a regular basis again. It meant I couldn't wear my black comfy pants and blue hoodie for days at a time. It meant I had to wake my kids up two hours earlier than normal to get them out the door and to the sitters. It meant I now had to pay double for daycare. It meant I couldn't hang out with my girls all day. I am sad.
After Lyla, I think I was in such shock about how this baby changed my life, I almost looked forward to going back to work. I went back part time so I will still able to spend a lot of time with her, but it also meant I could have adult conversations again. I could eat lunch without interruption. I could pee in peace. I could maybe feel like myself for a few hours a day.
This time is much different. This time I am mom. Before, my life was work. Now my life is my babies. I didn't want to go back. I wanted to be mom. On maternity leave I had time for my household. My house was clean. My laundry was always done. My kids were content to hang out with me. We settled into a sort of controlled chaos. Now I will have to change all that. Start a new routine. One I was forced into.
Will I cry tomorrow? Maybe. Will Eric cry on his first day alone with two babes? Likely. Fact is it has to happen. It will take some adjustment, but soon enough I know we'll get the hang out. But for tonight...the night before I go back, I am scared to death.
When I was still pregnant, I wasn't exactly sure how long of a break I would take. Because I am part time, I do not get a partially paid maternity leave. I had to use my vacation days wisely. I estimated I could take about 10 weeks off and survive. I started thinking about this the day after Caroline was born. Every time I did, my stomach would drop and I would be a ball of anxiety. How could I possibly manage two kids, a household and a job? People do it all the time, but how could I do it? When people would ask when I was going back to work, I would just say around Thanksgiving and never really let myself look at a calendar and decide. When I finally had to, it just worked out with the holiday that I would go back the Monday after Thanksgiving. This meant I was able to spend 12 glorious weeks and home with my babies. More than most, so I couldn't complain.
Going back to work meant I would have to start showering on a regular basis again. It meant I couldn't wear my black comfy pants and blue hoodie for days at a time. It meant I had to wake my kids up two hours earlier than normal to get them out the door and to the sitters. It meant I now had to pay double for daycare. It meant I couldn't hang out with my girls all day. I am sad.
After Lyla, I think I was in such shock about how this baby changed my life, I almost looked forward to going back to work. I went back part time so I will still able to spend a lot of time with her, but it also meant I could have adult conversations again. I could eat lunch without interruption. I could pee in peace. I could maybe feel like myself for a few hours a day.
This time is much different. This time I am mom. Before, my life was work. Now my life is my babies. I didn't want to go back. I wanted to be mom. On maternity leave I had time for my household. My house was clean. My laundry was always done. My kids were content to hang out with me. We settled into a sort of controlled chaos. Now I will have to change all that. Start a new routine. One I was forced into.
Will I cry tomorrow? Maybe. Will Eric cry on his first day alone with two babes? Likely. Fact is it has to happen. It will take some adjustment, but soon enough I know we'll get the hang out. But for tonight...the night before I go back, I am scared to death.
Say Cheese
For Christmas this year, I wanted to get Eric's mom a new cover for her brand new iphone. I thought it would be cute to get one with a picture of all the kids on it. Too bad I didn't have a picture with all five of them together. So I got a bug up my ass, called Becky and asked if she wanted to go have the kids pictures taken for Christmas. We went to a place that I thought would be cheap. Turns out I was wrong again. However, we ended up getting a lot of gifts out of it so I guess it was worth it. Lyla wasn't too interested in smiling and CeCe was covered in barf, but hey, it is what it is. And here they are...
Terrible, Awful, Miserable Two's
I've heard about the "terrible two's" before, but this is way beyond what I expected. I remember in the weeks leading up to Lyla's 2nd Birthday, I would say she was right on schedule with her acting up. That. Was. Nothing. I really started to notice the tantrums pickup in intensity around July. She spent a lot of time in time out. At that point, it seemed to work. Plus, I kept telling myself that I was a little short tempered due to pregnancy hormones and was blowing it out of proportion. Nope.
This past week has been the hardest ever. Lyla REFUSES to listen to anything I tell her. She deliberately does things she knows she is not supposed to. She has been acting out towards Caroline and even told her that she hated her (that didn't go over well). She screams "no" constantly in this evil little voice. Everything is on her terms and her terms alone.
It's heartbreaking. Is this the person she is destined to be? A mean-spirited person? What have I done or not done to make her think this behavior is appropriate? Is she learning from me? Do I act this way? Is this all just part of the "terrible two's and will pass? Is this her finally acting out towards her little sister? Two days ago, I even asked her if she had another person living in her head making her be mean.
Eric and I are at a loss as to how to handle this. I've tried "killing her with kindness". When she acts out, I just hug her and tell her I like it when she is a nice girl. I've tried screaming. This does nothing other than make her afraid of me and teach her to yell. I've tried spankings on the butt. Nothing. She cries for a minute then continues on with her day. I've given her sassy sauce (vinegar) which she totally hates but as soon as it's over, she whispering under her breathe the same thing that got her sassy sauce in the first place. Today I tried a new approach. I warned her that when she didn't listen to me or screamed at me, I would take away one toy each time. The first offense resulted in me popping the Bears balloon she's been toting around for weeks. By the end of the day both balloons and three toys were gone. Then she started picking out toys for us to take away. Fail. I am out of ideas.
The day ended with her screaming in her bed for 40 minutes because I told her I wouldn't read a book and lay with her before she went to sleep. Maybe that will work. She very much looks forwards to those cuddles at night and so do I, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
Every night I just hope the next day is better. I really have to work on myself as well and try to be a little bit more patient and keep my cool. It's just very frustrating. I look back at pictures of her when she was a baby and couldn't imagine getting so angry at that little face and yet here I am.
If only I had known how easy infants are. I thought things would get easier as they got older but I am finding out it is the exact opposite.
Tomorrow is another day...
This past week has been the hardest ever. Lyla REFUSES to listen to anything I tell her. She deliberately does things she knows she is not supposed to. She has been acting out towards Caroline and even told her that she hated her (that didn't go over well). She screams "no" constantly in this evil little voice. Everything is on her terms and her terms alone.
It's heartbreaking. Is this the person she is destined to be? A mean-spirited person? What have I done or not done to make her think this behavior is appropriate? Is she learning from me? Do I act this way? Is this all just part of the "terrible two's and will pass? Is this her finally acting out towards her little sister? Two days ago, I even asked her if she had another person living in her head making her be mean.
Eric and I are at a loss as to how to handle this. I've tried "killing her with kindness". When she acts out, I just hug her and tell her I like it when she is a nice girl. I've tried screaming. This does nothing other than make her afraid of me and teach her to yell. I've tried spankings on the butt. Nothing. She cries for a minute then continues on with her day. I've given her sassy sauce (vinegar) which she totally hates but as soon as it's over, she whispering under her breathe the same thing that got her sassy sauce in the first place. Today I tried a new approach. I warned her that when she didn't listen to me or screamed at me, I would take away one toy each time. The first offense resulted in me popping the Bears balloon she's been toting around for weeks. By the end of the day both balloons and three toys were gone. Then she started picking out toys for us to take away. Fail. I am out of ideas.
The day ended with her screaming in her bed for 40 minutes because I told her I wouldn't read a book and lay with her before she went to sleep. Maybe that will work. She very much looks forwards to those cuddles at night and so do I, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
Every night I just hope the next day is better. I really have to work on myself as well and try to be a little bit more patient and keep my cool. It's just very frustrating. I look back at pictures of her when she was a baby and couldn't imagine getting so angry at that little face and yet here I am.
If only I had known how easy infants are. I thought things would get easier as they got older but I am finding out it is the exact opposite.
Tomorrow is another day...
Sleep Training 101
I am sitting here in my room as I type this and I can't help but keep looking over at the empty pack and play beside my bed. Tonight began the dreaded sleep training. Selfishly, I've been putting this off. If this truly is my last baby, my heart aches that I will never have a newborn sleeping right next to me. I have so much fun setting the pack and play up in our room; setting up a changing and bottle station in preparation for all those late nights. And now those days are over, maybe forever, and it just really seemed to go too fast. With Lyla, I was the typical first time mom and insisted at 6 weeks we start sleep training her. I mean, it worked out and she became a super good sleeper. This time, I tried two different times to make the move into Caroline's own room and two times I ended up in tears. One night I even set up a bed of pillows on her floor so I could stay with her and after a meltdown, Eric packed up my makeshift bed and told me we'd try again another day. Today Caroline is nine weeks old. It's time. I go back to work in a few weeks and we need to start to get into some routine.
As much as I hate it and it makes my body physically ill, we try the 'cry it out' method. It worked really well with Lyla. I remember sitting on the loft floor watching "Jersey Shore' as she cried in the next room. The first night she cried for 45 minutes and I thought it was an eternity. Each night was better after that and, if memory serves, she was going down without a peep within a week.
Tonight, I put Caroline down at 7:25pm. It's now 9:30pm and she still can't get it together. She's fallen asleep a few times but eventually wakes up. I've gone in there multiple times (against "Cry it out" rules) and tried to calm her but she is having none of it. She's gotten into the habit of falling asleep while eating so that's another thing we are trying to break. I know it's rough now, but it is all for the greater good. A well rested baby means a well rested mom....hopefully. And a well rested mom is good for everyone.
Time to go back in there. This pack and play might not be empty for long.
Update: 12 hours later.
I caved. Sort of. After more screaming, I caved in and gave her a small bottle. Of course she passed out right away and only protested a little bit when I put her back in the crib. It was 10pm by then. At 11, she woke up and cried again. Luckily I threw the paci in her mouth and it was over. Repeat at midnight. At 3:15 she woke up for a bottle. This is perfect timing since I have to wake Eric up at 3:30am. I put her back in and didn't hear from her again until about 6:45am. She wasn't crying but I wanted to get her before she started and woke up her sister. I brought her in my room to change her and give her a bottle. As soon as I laid her down on my bed...out like a light. Little bugger was just trying to get back in bed with me! Minutes later Lyla woke up so that means everyone is up! We'll try again tonight. I don't have high hopes. Until next time.
Update: 11/14
Night two. Same routine. This time she only cried for 20 minutes. Score. The next night...zero crying. I am shocked at how quickly she is picking up on this up. One week in and she slept from 7:30pm - 5am. Holy mother! This is awesome. As much as I hate the empty pack n play in my room, having our nights back is pretty great. We've settled into a pretty good routine. While I put the girls down for the night, Eric cleans the dishes from the day and cleans the living room so I can wake up to a neat and tidy house...only to have it destroyed within an hour, but still. As soon as the girls are settled I try to workout. Yeah you heard me. I've been working out.
Update: 11/20
What the hell happened? I knew this went down too easy. While little Miss Caroline is still pretty attached to her 7pm bedtime, she isn't so interested in sleeping in super long stretches anymore. For the past three nights, she is up again at 11pm for a bottle...just as I am finally settling down. Then she is up again around 3am. However, after that bottle she does sleep until about 9am. But that does me no good as her sister has now decided to get up before 7am (which is new...and annoying). Here is an example of how my last few nights have gone:
7pm - Caroline Bedtime
7:30pm - Lyla Bedtime
8pm - workout, clean, whatever
10:30pm - Mommy falls asleep
11pm - Caroline up for a bottle
12am - Back to bed for me
2:30am - Caroline up for a bottle
3:15am - Back to bed for me
3:30am - My alarm goes off for Eric
3:40am - My alarm goes off for Eric
3:50am - My alarm goes off for Eric
4:00am - My alarm goes off for Eric
4:30am - I finally fall back asleep
6:45am - Lyla storms into my room
In two weeks I go back to work. I have NO idea how this is going to work.
Update: 12 hours later.
I caved. Sort of. After more screaming, I caved in and gave her a small bottle. Of course she passed out right away and only protested a little bit when I put her back in the crib. It was 10pm by then. At 11, she woke up and cried again. Luckily I threw the paci in her mouth and it was over. Repeat at midnight. At 3:15 she woke up for a bottle. This is perfect timing since I have to wake Eric up at 3:30am. I put her back in and didn't hear from her again until about 6:45am. She wasn't crying but I wanted to get her before she started and woke up her sister. I brought her in my room to change her and give her a bottle. As soon as I laid her down on my bed...out like a light. Little bugger was just trying to get back in bed with me! Minutes later Lyla woke up so that means everyone is up! We'll try again tonight. I don't have high hopes. Until next time.
Update: 11/14
Night two. Same routine. This time she only cried for 20 minutes. Score. The next night...zero crying. I am shocked at how quickly she is picking up on this up. One week in and she slept from 7:30pm - 5am. Holy mother! This is awesome. As much as I hate the empty pack n play in my room, having our nights back is pretty great. We've settled into a pretty good routine. While I put the girls down for the night, Eric cleans the dishes from the day and cleans the living room so I can wake up to a neat and tidy house...only to have it destroyed within an hour, but still. As soon as the girls are settled I try to workout. Yeah you heard me. I've been working out.
Update: 11/20
What the hell happened? I knew this went down too easy. While little Miss Caroline is still pretty attached to her 7pm bedtime, she isn't so interested in sleeping in super long stretches anymore. For the past three nights, she is up again at 11pm for a bottle...just as I am finally settling down. Then she is up again around 3am. However, after that bottle she does sleep until about 9am. But that does me no good as her sister has now decided to get up before 7am (which is new...and annoying). Here is an example of how my last few nights have gone:
7pm - Caroline Bedtime
7:30pm - Lyla Bedtime
8pm - workout, clean, whatever
10:30pm - Mommy falls asleep
11pm - Caroline up for a bottle
12am - Back to bed for me
2:30am - Caroline up for a bottle
3:15am - Back to bed for me
3:30am - My alarm goes off for Eric
3:40am - My alarm goes off for Eric
3:50am - My alarm goes off for Eric
4:00am - My alarm goes off for Eric
4:30am - I finally fall back asleep
6:45am - Lyla storms into my room
In two weeks I go back to work. I have NO idea how this is going to work.
Two Month Check
How is it possible that two months while pregnant drag on and on and yet two months with a newborn fly by in a blur? I cannot even believe my little Caroline is two months old already. Here are some fun facts about my girl.
- She is a beefcake. She now weighs in at 11lbs, 5 ounces. She's also 25 inches long. Yowza.
- She's already busting out of the three month clothes that her sister passed along to her.
- At her last doctors appointment the doctor informed me that she looks like she is ready to start rolling! What?!
- Her spit up now rivals her sister. At night we could go through 5 PJ's before she even hit the bed!
- She's a talker! She loves to lay on her boppy and just talk away to us.
- She is still a pretty calm and happy baby...until crabby time hits. Crabby time usually starts about 5pm and goes until about 9pm. Awful.
- Part of what gets us through crabby time is cluster feedings. It seems like between those hours she has double the amount of bottles she has through out the day. I looked online where I discovered cluster feedings. At least it helped give us a reason and something we could do to calm her.
- She has a few nicknames already including Hubba Bubba (mommy), Sugar Sugar (mommy and daddy), Magoo (daddy), Sweetie (Lyla), Pixie (Gma Peach b/c of her pointed ears).
- She's already had her first cold. She handled it like a champ.
- We haven't quite figured out a good sleep routine. Basically she's up every two and a half to three hours. My how things change with the second kid.
One Month In
One month feels like one minute. It has gone by so fast! So far, my little CeCe is the sweetest little baby. She seems like a pretty calm and laid back kid so far. I often say that she even asks for her bottle in a sweet little way. She just makes these cute little noises that are adorable. She growing by leaps and bounds! She is definitely packing on the pounds much quicker than Lyla did. She seems to sleep much better in the pack and play than I was expecting, though she spends most of her nights asleep on my chest. She is very prompt when it comes to eating and most often doesn't even make it 3 hours. This girl likes to eat.
A few days after coming home we took Caroline to her doctor appt and decided to bring Lyla along since she was still pretty sick. We ended up having to put her on a nebulizer, steroids and an antibiotic. The doctor warned me that this particular antibiotic often causes kids to become emotionally unstable. Awesome. Thanks doc.
Once we got over the sickies we seemed to settle down a bit. Lyla has actually been great with her new sister. She's a great helper and is always going over to kiss Caroline. I am shocked and thrilled that Lyla also sleeps through her sister crying for a bottle at night. Phew!
I knew better than to even try to set up a routine at this point, even though that goes against every ounce of my being. I knew it would be a short time before I would be back at work and would be forced into a routine so I just allowed the chaos of having a newborn take over. Oddly enough, I love the chaos. Eric and I actually spend more time together when we have a newborn. We are forced to stay up and watch movies while we take turns with feedings. We decided to start watching the show Breaking Bad since we had all the time in the world. I think we watched five seasons in about three weeks.
I can't wait to see what next month brings...
A few days after coming home we took Caroline to her doctor appt and decided to bring Lyla along since she was still pretty sick. We ended up having to put her on a nebulizer, steroids and an antibiotic. The doctor warned me that this particular antibiotic often causes kids to become emotionally unstable. Awesome. Thanks doc.
Once we got over the sickies we seemed to settle down a bit. Lyla has actually been great with her new sister. She's a great helper and is always going over to kiss Caroline. I am shocked and thrilled that Lyla also sleeps through her sister crying for a bottle at night. Phew!
I knew better than to even try to set up a routine at this point, even though that goes against every ounce of my being. I knew it would be a short time before I would be back at work and would be forced into a routine so I just allowed the chaos of having a newborn take over. Oddly enough, I love the chaos. Eric and I actually spend more time together when we have a newborn. We are forced to stay up and watch movies while we take turns with feedings. We decided to start watching the show Breaking Bad since we had all the time in the world. I think we watched five seasons in about three weeks.
I can't wait to see what next month brings...
Coming Home
What a day. I thought I would be coming home on Friday, just 24 hours after having my little CeCe but her pediatrician wanted to keep her an extra day because I had strep B with her. We begged to be let go Friday because Eric had to go back to work on Saturday (don't even get me started), but she insisted. So at 3:30 Saturday morning Eric had to leave me and our newborn daughter at the hospital. He was pissed. We sent Caroline to the nursery at night so at 5:30am, I got up, and got myself ready and packed so there was no delay when Dr. B made her rounds around 6:30am. Eric's mom stayed at our house with Lyla on Friday so that my parents would be available to pick me up without having to drag her with them. While the day is a blur, I think I was home by 11am.
Lyla and Sherri welcomed us at the car where we took lots of pictures. I promptly came in and started doing laundry. I had it in my head that I was going to have it all together and be super mom. I soon realized that was stupid. We spent most of the morning watching Lyla hold her sister and giving the play by play of everything CeCe was doing. "Mom, she do like this" she kept saying and would make the same noises that Caroline made. We did get it on video so Eric could watch it later.
Eric's mom went to the grocery store for us and when it was time for my parents to leave I started to cry my eyes out. They sat back down and stayed. A bit later I noticed Lyla seemed to be getting a irritated so I took her temp and it was 101. Wonderful. I have a brand new baby in the house and a toddler with a fever. This was not starting out well. I cried some more. Luckily it didn't seem to stop her from sleeping. We ended the day very early knowing it would be a long night!
Lyla and Sherri welcomed us at the car where we took lots of pictures. I promptly came in and started doing laundry. I had it in my head that I was going to have it all together and be super mom. I soon realized that was stupid. We spent most of the morning watching Lyla hold her sister and giving the play by play of everything CeCe was doing. "Mom, she do like this" she kept saying and would make the same noises that Caroline made. We did get it on video so Eric could watch it later.
Eric's mom went to the grocery store for us and when it was time for my parents to leave I started to cry my eyes out. They sat back down and stayed. A bit later I noticed Lyla seemed to be getting a irritated so I took her temp and it was 101. Wonderful. I have a brand new baby in the house and a toddler with a fever. This was not starting out well. I cried some more. Luckily it didn't seem to stop her from sleeping. We ended the day very early knowing it would be a long night!
First Family (of four) Photo
It wasn't long after we met Caroline that we were reunited with the "original" baby girl. Mimi and Pop brought Lyla in to see us and this is our first official family photo.
Expect the Unexpected
Since the moment Lyla was born, I feared the birth of my second child. I thought, even though they say the second is easier, there was no way it could get any easier than Lyla's birth.
I was right.
It was about 9pm by the time we got settled into our room. Once again we scored a huge room. I LOVE St. Joe's Hospital. The plan was the same as with Lyla. They'd use Cervidil to get things "soft" in there and then they would start pitocin in the morning. Here's how it went down.
10pm - The cervidil was in and Eric and I settled in and put in a DVD that we brought..."SNL. The Best of Jimmy Fallon".
10:15pm - I told Eric that I thought contractions were already starting (this is when I realized the feeling I had all morning really was contractions). This didn't happen with Lyla.
11pm - Serious pain. Major contractions.
11:30pm - Already asking for pain meds but I was told it was too early. To make matters worse, when you have Cervidil you need to lay flat for two hours. I was having such bad back pain at that point and just wanted to move. Nope. Eric was watching the monitor and we discovered that I was having really big contractions right on top of each other. I guess I already knew that but the monitor confirmed it.
12am - Nurse checked me to see if I have progressed I should say she TRIED to check me. After digging around for what felt like eternity, she told us her "fingers were too short". At that point I think Eric was going to strangle her.
1am- Finally got some pain meds. I was only allowed stadol as I still wasn't far enough along for the epidural (about 3cm). They told me it would numb the pain but just for a short time. Awesome. They also told me I would feel drunk. Yep. As soon as she gave it to me my eyes started crossing. I started calling Eric a Fraggle Rock and told him he looked like the Hamburgler. I was with it enough to tell him I knew I sounded like an idiot and to write down what I was saying to him...which he did. Then I fell asleep.
1:45am - Woke up in pain. Serious pain. A nurse came in to check me at which point she told me I was dilated to 1. WHAT!? I quickly sat up in bed really thinking I might knock her on her ass. She informed me that they measure differently on the inside and outside. Bull. I've never heard of that in my life.
2am - New nurse, Jennifer, takes over for "short fingers". Thank God. Jennifer is wonderful and I still think about her often. She got me through the roughest part of labor. Still in pain and no meds, I asked to sit in a chair. Eric (woke up and) came over to rub my head. Let me tell you...I've never had such a good head rub! ha. While it didn't take the pain away, it distracted me.
2:30am - Jennifer tells me my contractions are coming too fast. She orders the epidural. Did I say how much I love Jennifer?
3am - Epidural arrives. With Lyla, it was one poke and done. Not this time. I felt as least three pokes and them actually moving the needle around in my back. At this point, having been up for 24 hours and no food in his stomach, Eric almost passed out and needs to sit down. Jennifer is there to hold me up. Sitting in that position without moving with terrible contractions was by far the most painful part. Immediately after the epidural is finally placed, the baby's heart rate drops. They quickly threw an oxygen mask on me and start turning me from side to side. Things start to stablize.
3:30am - Jennifer tells me that the contractions still haven't slowed down. I ask her if this continued would it lead to a c-section. She tells me she can give me a shot to slow the contractions down a bit which will be better for me and the baby.
3:45am - I get that shot. Contractions slow.
4am - Finally feeling relaxed, I am able to fall asleep. I sleep in 15-20 minute intervals for the rest of my labor.
6am - Doctor Egan comes to visit to check on me. They decide not to start pitocin to speed up the contractions again so we just need to wait it out.
12pm - They bring in the big table with all the scary utensils.
12:30pm - Nurse has me try to start pushing. She's impressed. Doctor Egan happens to come in around then to check and is also impressed. I even remember saying, "I am super good at this."
1:22pm - It's a Girl! Again, surprise of my life. Even the nurses the night before were telling us it was a boy because of the heart rate. There was no question about the name this time. Caroline Clare (CeCe). I have two kids! Two daughters!
She weighed in at 7lbs, 1 oz. Well, that's what the scale said, but they later said her official weight was 7lbs 2oz. 20 inches long.
A few hours later our visitors started to arrive, including big sister Lyla. At first she was pretty interested in the baby, but that soon wore off and she just wanted to run around the hospital room like a typical two year old. After the Laxton crew came later that night, Eric and I spent the next two days just cuddling our new girl We knew that as soon as we came home other responsibilities would cut down on cuddle time so we just soaked it all in.
I was right.
It was about 9pm by the time we got settled into our room. Once again we scored a huge room. I LOVE St. Joe's Hospital. The plan was the same as with Lyla. They'd use Cervidil to get things "soft" in there and then they would start pitocin in the morning. Here's how it went down.
10pm - The cervidil was in and Eric and I settled in and put in a DVD that we brought..."SNL. The Best of Jimmy Fallon".
10:15pm - I told Eric that I thought contractions were already starting (this is when I realized the feeling I had all morning really was contractions). This didn't happen with Lyla.
11pm - Serious pain. Major contractions.
11:30pm - Already asking for pain meds but I was told it was too early. To make matters worse, when you have Cervidil you need to lay flat for two hours. I was having such bad back pain at that point and just wanted to move. Nope. Eric was watching the monitor and we discovered that I was having really big contractions right on top of each other. I guess I already knew that but the monitor confirmed it.
12am - Nurse checked me to see if I have progressed I should say she TRIED to check me. After digging around for what felt like eternity, she told us her "fingers were too short". At that point I think Eric was going to strangle her.
1am- Finally got some pain meds. I was only allowed stadol as I still wasn't far enough along for the epidural (about 3cm). They told me it would numb the pain but just for a short time. Awesome. They also told me I would feel drunk. Yep. As soon as she gave it to me my eyes started crossing. I started calling Eric a Fraggle Rock and told him he looked like the Hamburgler. I was with it enough to tell him I knew I sounded like an idiot and to write down what I was saying to him...which he did. Then I fell asleep.
1:45am - Woke up in pain. Serious pain. A nurse came in to check me at which point she told me I was dilated to 1. WHAT!? I quickly sat up in bed really thinking I might knock her on her ass. She informed me that they measure differently on the inside and outside. Bull. I've never heard of that in my life.
2am - New nurse, Jennifer, takes over for "short fingers". Thank God. Jennifer is wonderful and I still think about her often. She got me through the roughest part of labor. Still in pain and no meds, I asked to sit in a chair. Eric (woke up and) came over to rub my head. Let me tell you...I've never had such a good head rub! ha. While it didn't take the pain away, it distracted me.
2:30am - Jennifer tells me my contractions are coming too fast. She orders the epidural. Did I say how much I love Jennifer?
3am - Epidural arrives. With Lyla, it was one poke and done. Not this time. I felt as least three pokes and them actually moving the needle around in my back. At this point, having been up for 24 hours and no food in his stomach, Eric almost passed out and needs to sit down. Jennifer is there to hold me up. Sitting in that position without moving with terrible contractions was by far the most painful part. Immediately after the epidural is finally placed, the baby's heart rate drops. They quickly threw an oxygen mask on me and start turning me from side to side. Things start to stablize.
3:30am - Jennifer tells me that the contractions still haven't slowed down. I ask her if this continued would it lead to a c-section. She tells me she can give me a shot to slow the contractions down a bit which will be better for me and the baby.
3:45am - I get that shot. Contractions slow.
4am - Finally feeling relaxed, I am able to fall asleep. I sleep in 15-20 minute intervals for the rest of my labor.
6am - Doctor Egan comes to visit to check on me. They decide not to start pitocin to speed up the contractions again so we just need to wait it out.
12pm - They bring in the big table with all the scary utensils.
12:30pm - Nurse has me try to start pushing. She's impressed. Doctor Egan happens to come in around then to check and is also impressed. I even remember saying, "I am super good at this."
1:22pm - It's a Girl! Again, surprise of my life. Even the nurses the night before were telling us it was a boy because of the heart rate. There was no question about the name this time. Caroline Clare (CeCe). I have two kids! Two daughters!
She weighed in at 7lbs, 1 oz. Well, that's what the scale said, but they later said her official weight was 7lbs 2oz. 20 inches long.
A few hours later our visitors started to arrive, including big sister Lyla. At first she was pretty interested in the baby, but that soon wore off and she just wanted to run around the hospital room like a typical two year old. After the Laxton crew came later that night, Eric and I spent the next two days just cuddling our new girl We knew that as soon as we came home other responsibilities would cut down on cuddle time so we just soaked it all in.
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| Clearly this says 7.1 |
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| Meeting big sister |
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| Daddy's girl 2.0 |
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| My girl |
Tonight!?
Wednesday, September 4th. Grama Peach's birthday. I usually don't work on Wednesdays but Lyla was sick (with what I thought was croup) so I stayed home on Tuesday instead to take her to the doctor. That morning I was awake at 3:30am and could not fall back asleep. I walked into work with a bad attitude. All day long I told everyone that if I was there the next day, that they better not bother speaking to me because I would be a beast. I whined to my mom in her office all day about how I couldn't be pregnant for one more minute! I joked all day that I was going to eat a ton a salty foods so when they took my blood pressure that night at my appointment it would be sky high and they would have to send me to the hospital. Like I said, I was joking. However, thinking back on that day, I was having contractions all day but kind of ignored them.
Fast forward to my appointment at 5:30 that night. Pee in a cup. Get weighed (still only gained 16 pounds). Take blood pressure. When the nurse took my BP it took longer than normal. She kept pumping it up and letting it go. Pumping it up and letting it go. Well, I have no idea how to read those machines so I asked (as I did every week) if it was bad. She just looked at me and said "oh yeah". Still not thinking anything of it, a few minutes later the doctor came in (Dr. Egan this time) and said high blood pressure must be in the air today because everyone had it. I asked what it was and he said he didn't want tell me. Wow, it must be really bad. It was 148/102. Now that is bad! That was highest it's ever been! He did "the check" and I was dilated to 2. I was 38 weeks that day. He said he would check my BP again, but why bother since they were going to monitor it at the hospital tonight. TONIGHT? I was in absolute shock. As much as I joked that day at work, I really did not think I would be going to have the baby that night. He told me I could go home, eat, get my things and then come back to the hospital for induction. Panic.
Just the night before I finished cleaning the house and the bags were packed so luckily I was ready to go. In fact, after I finished packing the night before I texted my mom that I was all ready and my house was clean and now I had nothing to do. She told me to relax for the next few weeks until the baby came. So much for that.
I immediately texted her again after my appointment on Wednesday and said she better start heading to my house to get Lyla (she was having dinner at Gram's for her birthday). By the time I actually talked to her on the phone I was crying hysterically. I wasn't ready. I didn't get to play with Lyla that day. She laughed and reminded me about all my complaining that day. Still, I wasn't really ready! I called Eric and he was in shock. He wasn't expecting that phone call either. But, always the one to calm me, pretended he was ready to go! He called his mom to come get Cooper. Oh yeah, forgot about him.
Eric ran to get McDonalds while I got myself together. Our parents all arrived and asked a million questions, none of which I remember. I was so distracted and just wanted to get to the hospital. Now was the time to say goodbye to Lyla. For nine months I thought about this moment. Figured I would bawl my eyes out. Just like every second time mom, I was worried she would feel abandoned, especially since it all happened so fast. Well, without knowing it, my Lyla made it easy for me. Since she was still pretty sick, she was a bit crabby and when I tried to cuddle and smooch her, she fought me and whined. She didn't cling to me like I thought (hoped) she would. She was more than happy to go with Mimi and Pop. So, while it wasn't the moment I envisioned, it did relieve me from a little bit of guilt.
By 8:30 everyone was gone and it was just Eric and I. When I had Lyla, in this very same moment before we left the house, I cried. I was scared. This time, I was in such a rushed state that we just got in the car and off we went. I will still in shock about this whole thing went down. But, I wasn't scared since I knew what to expect. Or so I thought.
Fast forward to my appointment at 5:30 that night. Pee in a cup. Get weighed (still only gained 16 pounds). Take blood pressure. When the nurse took my BP it took longer than normal. She kept pumping it up and letting it go. Pumping it up and letting it go. Well, I have no idea how to read those machines so I asked (as I did every week) if it was bad. She just looked at me and said "oh yeah". Still not thinking anything of it, a few minutes later the doctor came in (Dr. Egan this time) and said high blood pressure must be in the air today because everyone had it. I asked what it was and he said he didn't want tell me. Wow, it must be really bad. It was 148/102. Now that is bad! That was highest it's ever been! He did "the check" and I was dilated to 2. I was 38 weeks that day. He said he would check my BP again, but why bother since they were going to monitor it at the hospital tonight. TONIGHT? I was in absolute shock. As much as I joked that day at work, I really did not think I would be going to have the baby that night. He told me I could go home, eat, get my things and then come back to the hospital for induction. Panic.
Just the night before I finished cleaning the house and the bags were packed so luckily I was ready to go. In fact, after I finished packing the night before I texted my mom that I was all ready and my house was clean and now I had nothing to do. She told me to relax for the next few weeks until the baby came. So much for that.
I immediately texted her again after my appointment on Wednesday and said she better start heading to my house to get Lyla (she was having dinner at Gram's for her birthday). By the time I actually talked to her on the phone I was crying hysterically. I wasn't ready. I didn't get to play with Lyla that day. She laughed and reminded me about all my complaining that day. Still, I wasn't really ready! I called Eric and he was in shock. He wasn't expecting that phone call either. But, always the one to calm me, pretended he was ready to go! He called his mom to come get Cooper. Oh yeah, forgot about him.
Eric ran to get McDonalds while I got myself together. Our parents all arrived and asked a million questions, none of which I remember. I was so distracted and just wanted to get to the hospital. Now was the time to say goodbye to Lyla. For nine months I thought about this moment. Figured I would bawl my eyes out. Just like every second time mom, I was worried she would feel abandoned, especially since it all happened so fast. Well, without knowing it, my Lyla made it easy for me. Since she was still pretty sick, she was a bit crabby and when I tried to cuddle and smooch her, she fought me and whined. She didn't cling to me like I thought (hoped) she would. She was more than happy to go with Mimi and Pop. So, while it wasn't the moment I envisioned, it did relieve me from a little bit of guilt.
By 8:30 everyone was gone and it was just Eric and I. When I had Lyla, in this very same moment before we left the house, I cried. I was scared. This time, I was in such a rushed state that we just got in the car and off we went. I will still in shock about this whole thing went down. But, I wasn't scared since I knew what to expect. Or so I thought.
Beat the Heat
It must be noted that I picked the best summer to be pregnant. I always wanted a fall baby, but it never occurred to me that I'd be in my last trimester during the summer. Not smart. But in the summer of 2013, me and Mother Nature were BFF's. This was one of the coolest summers I can remember (maybe because last summer was SO HOT). I really caught a break. Don't get me wrong, I still sweat, A LOT, but I can thank my hormones for that. In the month of July there was a week where we were in the 60's at least three times! In July! In Chicago! Crazy. I didn't get off scott free, however. We did get a heat wave just a few weeks later...just as our air conditioner was apparently on vacation but it didn't last. Phew!
Speedbump...averted.
Well, just when I thought I was sailing through this pregnancy (and that I would be pregnant forever) we hit another bump in the road. I had a routine monthly check. and my blood pressure was a little elevated. Given my history, I was sent for blood work and, once again, had to pee in the big orange bucket for a day. I waited until the weekend to do that since I figured my co-workers wouldn't appreciate sharing the fridge with a gallon of pee. In the meantime, I let work know that I may be making an early exit again and quickly got everything in order. A week went by until I finally got the results. No sign of pre-eclampsia. Damn. In that week, I let myself get really excited about delivering early again. But the results showed that I was in for the long haul, which at this point is still six weeks. Six more weeks for this baby to get even bigger. Six more weeks of heartburn. Six more weeks of "sleeping" in the recliner in our room. Six more weeks of work. Six more weeks.
Another Ultrasound Scare
Going into my 20 week ultrasound appointment I was pretty confident. With Lyla that is when they told me "things were missing". For a month after that, I freaked out for nothing. This time around I knew that even if they said it again, I would be calm.
Wrong.
The ultrasound itself was fine. Eric and Lyla came along so during the entire scan Eric was singing songs and doing the alphabet with Lyla to keep her entertained. She also thought it was hysterical to tickle my feet while I was laying on the table.
At my next appointment, my doctor said I would need another scan because they wanted to see more pictures of the face, particularly the mouth. That was all they said.
By the time I got home I had convinced myself this baby had a cleft pallet. I told Eric we would need to learn how to feed a baby with this problem and that it might need surgery. I also decided that if this was the case then I hoped it was a boy who could grow facial hair to cover it! So much for not panicking.
A few weeks later...all is well. The sane person in me knew this...but the crazy lady in me must have locked her up for a while.
I Hope
I hope somewhere out there, there is a family who is raising their son to be respectful, kind, generous and loving. I hope his father is teaching him by example. I hope he loves his mama. And I hope that one day he meets my Lyla.
I hope that there are other parents like Eric and I who are raising their daughters be to kind, helpful, strong, dedicated, motivated and loving. I hope my Lyla chooses these girls for friends.
I hope that Eric and I are setting a good example. I hope she looks up to us one day and chooses to live a good and decent life. I hope she loves us as much as we love her...even if it takes her having her own kids to realize it.
That is all.
I hope that there are other parents like Eric and I who are raising their daughters be to kind, helpful, strong, dedicated, motivated and loving. I hope my Lyla chooses these girls for friends.
I hope that Eric and I are setting a good example. I hope she looks up to us one day and chooses to live a good and decent life. I hope she loves us as much as we love her...even if it takes her having her own kids to realize it.
That is all.
Fashionista
I've never known a two year old with such great shoes. I had to take a picture of some of them. For the record, this is about 1/8 of them.
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