Tonight!?

Wednesday, September 4th.  Grama Peach's birthday.  I usually don't work on Wednesdays but Lyla was sick (with what I thought was croup) so I stayed home on Tuesday instead to take her to the doctor.  That morning I was awake at 3:30am and could not fall back asleep.  I walked into work with a bad attitude.  All day long I told everyone that if I was there the next day, that they better not bother speaking to me because I would be a beast.  I whined to my mom in her office all day about how I couldn't be pregnant for one more minute!  I joked all day that I was going to eat a ton a salty foods so when they took my blood pressure that night at my appointment it would be sky high and they would have to send me to the hospital.  Like I said, I was joking.  However, thinking back on that day, I was having contractions all day but kind of ignored them.

Fast forward to my appointment at 5:30 that night.  Pee in a cup.  Get weighed (still only gained 16 pounds). Take blood pressure. When the nurse took my BP it took longer than normal.  She kept pumping it up and letting it go.  Pumping it up and letting it go.  Well, I have no idea how to read those machines so I asked (as I did every week) if it was bad.  She just looked at me and said "oh yeah".   Still not thinking anything of it, a few minutes later the doctor came in (Dr. Egan this time) and said high blood pressure must be in the air today because everyone had it.  I asked what it was and he said he didn't want tell me.  Wow, it must be really bad.  It was 148/102.  Now that is bad!  That was highest it's ever been!  He did "the check" and I was dilated to 2.  I was 38 weeks that day.  He said he would check my BP again, but why bother since they were going to monitor it at the hospital tonight.  TONIGHT?  I was in absolute shock.  As much as I joked that day at work, I really did not think I would be going to have the baby that night.   He told me I could go home, eat, get my things and then come back to the hospital for induction.  Panic.

Just the night before I finished cleaning the house and the bags were packed so luckily I was ready to go.  In fact, after I finished packing the night before I texted my mom that I was all ready and my house was clean and now I had nothing to do.  She told me to relax for the next few weeks until the baby came.  So much for that.

I immediately texted her again after my appointment on Wednesday and said she better start heading to my house to get Lyla (she was having dinner at Gram's for her birthday).  By the time I actually talked to her on the phone I was crying hysterically.  I wasn't ready.  I didn't get to play with Lyla that day.  She laughed and reminded me about all my complaining that day.  Still, I wasn't really ready!  I called Eric and he was in shock.  He wasn't expecting that phone call either.  But, always the one to calm me, pretended he was ready to go!  He called his mom to come get Cooper.  Oh yeah, forgot about him.

Eric ran to get McDonalds while I got myself together.  Our parents all arrived and asked a million questions, none of which I remember.  I was so distracted and just wanted to get to the hospital.  Now was the time to say goodbye to Lyla.  For nine months I thought about this moment.  Figured I would bawl my eyes out.  Just like every second time mom, I was worried she would feel abandoned, especially since it all happened so fast.  Well, without knowing it, my Lyla made it easy for me.  Since she was still pretty sick, she was a bit crabby and when I tried to cuddle and smooch her, she fought me and whined.  She didn't cling to me like I thought (hoped) she would.  She was more than happy to go with Mimi and Pop.   So, while it wasn't the moment I envisioned, it did relieve me from a little bit of guilt.

By 8:30 everyone was gone and it was just Eric and I.   When I had Lyla, in this very same moment before we left the house, I cried.  I was scared.  This time, I was in such a rushed state that we just got in the car and off we went.  I will still in shock about this whole thing went down.  But, I wasn't scared since I knew what to expect.   Or so I thought.