Saying Goodbye

Less than a month ago, we discovered that Uncle Tom, favorite brother in the McElligott family, required some pretty intense medical treatment, a treatment that not many doctors were willing to offer.  We knew this could be a rough road ahead but we...well, I guess I can only speak for myself, I, was totally caught off guard to hear the news that we had lost him before he could be considered for this treatment.   Now, not even a week later, I find myself feeling more sad than I ever thought I would...more empty than ever before.
Unfortunately, I've been down this road plenty of times before to know how it works.  You go through the motions of looking through pictures, telling funny stories, wakes, funerals, the whole nine yards.  It's not until the day after, when all is said and done, that it really hits.  

I find myself wishing for just one more visit, even for an hour so I can hear his voice and remember it, really remember it.  Of course Tom had his signature sayings which we've all been repeating for the last few days, but I just want to hear them from him again...not through memory, but out loud, with my own two ears.  I want to walk in my parents house and see him sitting in his spot on the couch, TV guide in hand, asking when he was going to my wedding. 

It wasn't until today that I realized that no matter how frustrating it could be sometimes with Tom, there wasn't a single time I was with him that he didn't make me smile and laugh.  Even if it was just his obsession with lining things up on the table.  Maybe I found this amusing because he and I share the same love of organization and symmetry.   Even if it was the sound of him singing or laughing at the TV or calling something a "dum fing" or showing us his teeth for a picture, I was always laughing. 

I have plenty of great memories with him, but the one I keep coming back to, is that from about a year ago.  I came over to hang out with Tom while my parents went to a wedding.  He sat at the table and helped me put together goodie bags for an upcoming bachelorette party.  Of course asking if every bag was for him.   Anytime there was a gift in sight, Tom thought it was for him.   After that, I popped in good old Beatles Rockband, let Tom pick the setlist, and put on a concert for him.  He was my best back up singer, whether he knew the words or not.   After every song I turned to him and waited for my applause, sometimes having to beg for it.  That night even marked my first "bathroom" experience which I won't get into, but I still laugh about today.  

I remember feeling a sense of satisfaction when you could get a good hug out of him.  Usually this consisted of him slamming his body against you and burying his head in your chest.  They were the best hugs.  And it seems, after looking through all the pictures, that he was always being hugged back.  I hope he felt as special getting those hugs and we did getting them from him.

It breaks my heart to know that Lil Lax will never meet Tom.  He knew there was a baby coming and although he may not have liked the idea at first, I imagine they would have been quite the entertaining duo.  Tom wasn't the biggest baby fan, often yelling "NO!" when we mentioned it, but he was there to offer a name suggestion.  He suggested we name the baby 'Coocachoo', or something just as silly.  While that may not make my top ten names, it is yet another thing to make me smile. 

As they say, time heals all wounds, but I just don't know how this void can be filled.  He left such an impression on everyone he met.   This was obvious when seeing all the people who came to say goodbye to him.  He wasn't just my uncle Tom, he was a brother, a son, an uncle and a friend.  A friend I wasn't ready to let go of yet.

The Name Game

Who knew that naming a child would be so complicated?  Nearly 7 months ago, I bought a book called, "100,000 Baby Names".  I thought with that many options, this would be a breeze.  I thought wrong.  I started out just going through the book and jotting down names that I really liked, sort of liked, and could deal with if I needed to.  My girls name list was a whole heck of a lot longer than my boys.  Once I'd gone through the book, watched the credits roll on every movie in case one stood out to me, and checked every website on the planet, it was finally time to share the list with Eric.  I'll admit, I did add a few doozies to make my real names look good.  He quickly ruled out at least half of my list. 

I went into this trying to be fair.  Trying to listen to Eric's suggestions.  Trying to not to pull a Megan making faces to sway him.  I thought I was doing a good job at it.  That is, of course, until he called me a Natzi!   After that, we took a break from the name game for quite a while.

All along, we've been closer to an agreement on girls names.  Boys names were a different story.  I just simply couldn't find one that I loved.  I could settle on a few, but wanted to be sure I loved whatever name we decided on.

It's funny how many names you rule out and how.  You think about the names kids could be teased  with.  You think about people you don't like.  You think about people you do like, but don't want to "steal" their names (as if I were the only Megan on the planet).  You think about how well it does or doesn't go with a last name (his, not mine, sad).  You think about someone you know, who knows somebody who knows somebody with that name.  You've heard friends say names that they may or may not use, so you don't want to step on any toes and use those.   You think about potential nicknames.  I like some names but not he shortened version of them.  It just goes on and on. 

Luckily, within the last month, we discovered a name that we BOTH love for a boy.  I toyed around with this name for weeks, but I am so excited with our choice.   For girls names, we've narrowed the list down to about four, but both of us know it is really only down to two.  Now the question remains...will I push for the girl name that I really like, or will I compromise on the name we both like just enough.   hhhhmmmm...only time will tell.

Third Trimester...Not So Warm Welcome

The body is a funny thing.  I swear the day my third trimester started, all the typical third trimester symptoms kicked into full swing...all at once.     I was totally fine one morning and suddendly after lunch, I stood up and my feet were swollen and busting out of my shoes!  By the time I got home, my socks had formed deep rings around my growing legs.   It was this same night that I discovered my first stretch mark.  Well, I shouldn't say first stretch mark ever.  It's clear I am not the smallest chick in the world so I've seen my fair share...but they are pretty well hidden.  These new stretch marks, my pregnancy related ones, are front and center!  Palmers Cocoa Butter, my ass.    Another unexpected inconvenience is the dramatic decrease in sleep.  I finally get my damn neighbors to be quiet and I still lay awake all night long.  I think I average about 2-3 hours a night now.   Not fair.  The people who tell me this is nature's way of preparing me are lucky to have all their teeth because I come closer and closer to punching them every time I hear it.   I've often said sleep is my favorite activity and the thought of losing even more scares the crap out of me.

I am definitely feeling much more uncomfortable these days too.  I feel like sort of a late bloomer but this belly sure has grown in the last few weeks.  I can't help but laugh every time I have to roll myself out of bed.  I long for the days of jumping up off the couch to grab the phone or not getting out of breath from trying to dry my legs after a shower. 

I've been told the worst is yet to come.  I can't even imagine.

2nd Trimester Wrap Up

It's very hard to believe that this week ends my 2nd trimester.  I remember back in June thinking how far the holidays seemed and now here we are wrapping gifts and planning christmas parties.  

The second trimester was a pretty uneventful time for me.  I was lucky enough to breeze through without any major problems and with a weight gain of only seven pounds!  Oh yeah baby! The biggest development was the first little kicks I felt from Lil' Lax which have only grown stronger and bigger.  There are no more cutsie little "butterflies" or "pops".  These movements are full on twisting, turning, pushing, kicking, and punching.   I sometimes wonder if the baby is trying to escape through my belly button (which at the moment still points inward, thankfully). It's to the point now where it even keeps me up at night.  It seems the baby is on its father's schedule because when Eric's alarm goes off at 3am...it's party time.   The funny thing is, no matter how much movement I feel, the second I tell Eric to come check it out, the baby goes into hiding.  Eric is starting to get a complex that LL is scared of him!  I suggested that Eric use his inside voice when talking to the belly and the baby might not be so scared! ha

Other than that I've been morning sickness free, pain free, and pretty much worry-free which is a surprising feat for me.   The heartburn is still there, some days more than others but it's nothing two Pepcid's can't cure.

Change of Heart

In a past post called "Mean Girls", I vented about all the rude comments people make to pregnant chicks.  Since then, I've noticed that not everyone is a mean girl.  I've had an abundance of people telling me how great I look, how excited they are for me, offering their help, and even giving me special gifts.  A friend of mine (who may or may not read this blog, wink wink) gave me some great books that she and her friends found helpful and that they enjoyed reading with their kids.  It's gestures like these that make me realize that people are truly excited for me and just because some people may say stupid things, it's the positive things that really count.

Another Photo Shoot

As I mentioned before, the first ultrasound came out great, but some things were "missing".  Four weeks later, at my 24 week appointment, all parts were accounted for.  We got some really great pictures of the head and profile this time.  Eric and I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out whose nose, chin, and lips the baby had.  I was convinced it was all his, but I am the only one who thinks that way.  I guess we'll know in three months.  Whoever he looks like, I think she is already super cute. I keep the picture on the fridge and every day say a quick hello to him/her.  

Speaking of him or her.  After 5 months of agreeing that we wouldn't find out the sex of the baby, on this ultrasound day, Eric decided to change his mind!  What?  Keep in mind, this is the 3rd ultrasound we've had.  I didn't even get any warning.   Literally as we were walking into the room he springs this news on me. "I am going to find out today."  Oh really now?   He even said he would ask for it in an envelope and not show me.  But, we all know who won that battle and the sex of Lil' Lax is still a mystery.  Just the way I like it...ok I like it less and less as time goes by, but it will be so worth it in the end.

Blowing the Dust Off

About a month ago, Eric and I stopped by my mom and dad's to say hello.  While the men worked on some manly outdoor project, my mom decided to break out the box of old baby clothes and blankets she'd been waiting 29 years to give me.   In one box held not only my awesome 1981 baby clothes, but also some handmade ones that my Grandma had made for my mom when she was a baby.   As we went through the box I kept thinking how special it was that my mom had this stuff from her mom.  Unfortunately, from being in storage in my Gram's basement, they probably aren't wearble, but it was still fun to see them and maybe bring them out again in 29 years.

Along with the clothes were two very pretty afghans that were made for me when I was a baby.  Since I was born in June, I didn't get much use out of these heavy blankets, but luckily this February nugget will.  My favorite blanket is one that my Great Grandma Smetana made for me.  It is a green buggy blanket and I can't wait to use it.  I remember it being in my mom's closet when I was growing up and I would sneak it out and pretend I was using it on my own baby.  It's funny that now it sits in my closet waiting just a few more months to keep my baby warm.