The list of things I am NOT going to miss is probably much longer than those I will, so I will just share a few here.
1) Heartburn and acid reflux. Hopefully, like most women this goes away shortly after delivery.
2) Pee Breaks. All day and all night...even if there is nothing to come out.
3) Breathlessness. I won't miss having to stop halfway up the stairs to catch my breath. I won't miss just sitting on couch talking on the phone and being out of breath.
4) Fat Lady Syndrome. When the phone rings, I still stupidly try to jump up and run into the kitchen. When you are 8 months pregnant, there is no more jumping up. It's more like rolling yourself off the couch and slowly getting into a standing position. By the time you get to the phone, the machine has already answered for you. Won't miss that.
5) Stretch marks. Won't miss waking up to one or two new ugly red marks all over my belly.
6) Boob Patrol. I won't miss having to eat with one hand trying to hold up my boobs so they don't rest on my belly, making it impossible to eat anything of substance.
7) Restricted Diet. I want a hot dog and I want it now. Obviously, all the typical no-no's are hard enough to handle, but my diet was even more restricted once I was diagnosed with preeclampsia. No salt, no caffiene, no bread, nothing that comes in a can. Sad. However, maybe this is good practice for when I want to lose the preggo and pre-preggo weight since I can only eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Good thing they now have a drink called the "skinny margarita".
I'm Going to Miss This
As the end of pregnancy approaches, I realized there are some things I am going to miss about this whole experience.
1) I'll miss the excitement and the anticipation of it all. I know this will be replaced by all new kinds of excitement, but I really enjoyed planning and preparing for this baby to arrive. From working on the nursery, to registering (scary as it was), to coming up with names, to the growing belly (stretch marks not included), these are all things I will never experience for the first time again.
2) Maternity clothes. Yes, I think I am in the minority here but I honestly think I found some really cute clothes, probably too many. Luckily there are lots of maternity clothes available that don't make you look like a frump. Best of all, these clothes were all really comfy. I almost dread having to wear my pre-preggo clothes again. In fact, I am hoping that I will just start a brand new wardrobe when the time comes.
3) My belly. For the first time in a really long time, I actually felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn't wake up everyday thinking about how overweight I was or standing in my closet for a half hour trying to decide what would hold in my rolls the best. I actually felt kind of cute. I knew my belly was for a purpose and not just because I had too many burritos! I am scared for the day when I no longer feel that sense of confidence showing off the bump.
4) Kicks and Punches. Sure, they can hurt and be really uncomfortable at times, but I will miss feeling those rolls, kicks, and hiccups. I feel like it is my own special relationship I have with the baby and soon, I'll have to share it with everyone else.
1) I'll miss the excitement and the anticipation of it all. I know this will be replaced by all new kinds of excitement, but I really enjoyed planning and preparing for this baby to arrive. From working on the nursery, to registering (scary as it was), to coming up with names, to the growing belly (stretch marks not included), these are all things I will never experience for the first time again.
2) Maternity clothes. Yes, I think I am in the minority here but I honestly think I found some really cute clothes, probably too many. Luckily there are lots of maternity clothes available that don't make you look like a frump. Best of all, these clothes were all really comfy. I almost dread having to wear my pre-preggo clothes again. In fact, I am hoping that I will just start a brand new wardrobe when the time comes.
3) My belly. For the first time in a really long time, I actually felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn't wake up everyday thinking about how overweight I was or standing in my closet for a half hour trying to decide what would hold in my rolls the best. I actually felt kind of cute. I knew my belly was for a purpose and not just because I had too many burritos! I am scared for the day when I no longer feel that sense of confidence showing off the bump.
4) Kicks and Punches. Sure, they can hurt and be really uncomfortable at times, but I will miss feeling those rolls, kicks, and hiccups. I feel like it is my own special relationship I have with the baby and soon, I'll have to share it with everyone else.
The Baby Shower That Almost Wasn't
As I mentioned before, there was a chance I was going to be let out of the hospital in time for my shower. My doctor said the baby looked great on all the monitoring they did and if I "behaved" (aka blood pressure was down) and after an ultrasound in the morning, I would be free to go.
I am pretty sure every single nurse in labor and delivery knew that my shower was that weekend and I swear they did everything in their power to get me out of there on time. A few of them witnessed some hysterical crying moments and tried their best to calm me. They even told me when Dr. Egan was coming in to check on me so I could put on my sad face! haha. They let me lay on my side which always meant a lower blood pressure, they put me at the front of the line before other people to get ultrasounds that morning, and they put in a "stat" order to get me back to the room right after the ultrasound to await my discharge papers. Having been in the hospital before, I knew discharge could take a while, but literally 10 minutes after the ultrasound I was getting the good news.
Of course, this didn't all go off without a hitch. During the ultrasound, the tech was testing the blood flow to the cord, fluid levels and movement of the baby. Of course, this troublemaker child was apparently asleep and in no mood to put on a show. After I while, at least a half hour, I was starting to panic. The tech told me that she wouldn't release me until she saw some movement. Multiple times, I asked to turn on my side or for some water or juice because I knew that would do the trick. She ignored my first few requests, but when it became clear to her that her lunch break was approaching, she gave in and brought me some juice. Within two minutes, she got the movement she was looking for. See, mother knows best already!
My dad was there waiting to whisk me away to the shower. I got in a quick shower and headed straight to the restaurant. I ended up being an hour late, which made for am embarrassing entrance when everyone clapped and cheered, but it does make for a funny story to tell. I was SO glad to be able to make it and everyone was very generous with gifts. We basically got everything on our registry and then some. Eric and I feel so spoiled! Here are some pictures from the big event.
The girls at work also threw me a baby shower a week after the family one. Of course, this was up in the air until literally the day before since we didn't know if Dr. Freakout was going to throw me in the hospital again, but luckily, I was also able to make it to this one. It's funny, you work with these people every day (unless you are on bedrest) and some you may talk to more than others, but it seems for the most part, everyone turns out for these occasions and becomes very generous. Once again, we felt very spoiled. Eric even walked it to pick me up, saw the load we had to put in the car and was shocked. Everything from the games to the food to the decorations were great and I had a great time.
I am pretty sure every single nurse in labor and delivery knew that my shower was that weekend and I swear they did everything in their power to get me out of there on time. A few of them witnessed some hysterical crying moments and tried their best to calm me. They even told me when Dr. Egan was coming in to check on me so I could put on my sad face! haha. They let me lay on my side which always meant a lower blood pressure, they put me at the front of the line before other people to get ultrasounds that morning, and they put in a "stat" order to get me back to the room right after the ultrasound to await my discharge papers. Having been in the hospital before, I knew discharge could take a while, but literally 10 minutes after the ultrasound I was getting the good news.
Of course, this didn't all go off without a hitch. During the ultrasound, the tech was testing the blood flow to the cord, fluid levels and movement of the baby. Of course, this troublemaker child was apparently asleep and in no mood to put on a show. After I while, at least a half hour, I was starting to panic. The tech told me that she wouldn't release me until she saw some movement. Multiple times, I asked to turn on my side or for some water or juice because I knew that would do the trick. She ignored my first few requests, but when it became clear to her that her lunch break was approaching, she gave in and brought me some juice. Within two minutes, she got the movement she was looking for. See, mother knows best already!
My dad was there waiting to whisk me away to the shower. I got in a quick shower and headed straight to the restaurant. I ended up being an hour late, which made for am embarrassing entrance when everyone clapped and cheered, but it does make for a funny story to tell. I was SO glad to be able to make it and everyone was very generous with gifts. We basically got everything on our registry and then some. Eric and I feel so spoiled! Here are some pictures from the big event.
 |
| Favors and dessert. I ate five of those cupcakes the next day. |
 |
| My Beatles onesie from Tom (aka Uncle Mike and Aunt Patti). |
 |
| The belly! Those steroid shots really worked. |
 |
| Four generations |
 |
| The Laxton Clan |
The girls at work also threw me a baby shower a week after the family one. Of course, this was up in the air until literally the day before since we didn't know if Dr. Freakout was going to throw me in the hospital again, but luckily, I was also able to make it to this one. It's funny, you work with these people every day (unless you are on bedrest) and some you may talk to more than others, but it seems for the most part, everyone turns out for these occasions and becomes very generous. Once again, we felt very spoiled. Eric even walked it to pick me up, saw the load we had to put in the car and was shocked. Everything from the games to the food to the decorations were great and I had a great time.
 |
| Meg and Jen, the party planner. |
 |
| L for Laxton...or Lil Lax. |
 |
| So many gifts! |
 |
| Eric sucked the helium out of these later that night! |
Dr. Freakout
As I mentioned before, the specialist I was seeing is supposed to be overly concerned and over cautious. This became apparent at my 35th week appointment, when, even after good blood work and lower protein levels, he decided it was better for me to spend the rest of my pregnancy in the hospital. Shocker number two!
I was totally unprepared for this. I couldn't imagine spending two or more weeks in the hospital. Worst of all, this was two days before my shower. This made me saddest of all. I was devastated that I was missing my baby shower and that my mother, who had planned this and looked forward to her one and only baby shower to throw wouldn't have it turn out the way she wanted.
The next few days I spent sitting in a room with the most uncomfortable bed, getting my blood pressure taken and having the baby monitored every four hours. Luckily, while I was in the hospital, they did more blood work and it all came back ok so on Friday night, my doctor (not the specilalist) came in and said I would likley be able to go home the next morning in time for my baby shower! I tried not to get too excited, but I secretly counted on it.
I was totally unprepared for this. I couldn't imagine spending two or more weeks in the hospital. Worst of all, this was two days before my shower. This made me saddest of all. I was devastated that I was missing my baby shower and that my mother, who had planned this and looked forward to her one and only baby shower to throw wouldn't have it turn out the way she wanted.
The next few days I spent sitting in a room with the most uncomfortable bed, getting my blood pressure taken and having the baby monitored every four hours. Luckily, while I was in the hospital, they did more blood work and it all came back ok so on Friday night, my doctor (not the specilalist) came in and said I would likley be able to go home the next morning in time for my baby shower! I tried not to get too excited, but I secretly counted on it.
Easy Pregnancy Comes to a Screetching Halt
I'll admit, other than being sick in the beginning, this pregnancy was a pretty easy one. I felt good most of the time, didn't gain a ton of weight (currently only gaining 16 pounds) and had no major problems. That all changed at 32 weeks.
This diagnosis also led to her telling me that I had to be on bed rest (at 34 weeks) and the goal was to get me to 36 weeks before they had to take the baby. What a shocker! A million thoughts ran through my head. That's 6 weeks of income I had counted on that is gone. That only gave me two weeks to get six weeks of things together to get ready for this baby. I hadn't had my baby shower yet. My dad was going out of town right around 36 weeks so he might miss this. And on and on. After a miserable night, I knew I had to gather my thoughts and figure out what to do about work. I talked to my boss the next day and luckily I work for a really accomadating company and they were able to work with me about taking all this extra time off and allowed me to work from home since I was still feeling fine, but had to sit on the couch for weeks.
Another part of the diagnosis meant I had to see a fetal specialist each week, in addition to my weekly appointments with my regular doctor. The specialist is there basically to run the same tests as my doctor but he is also a little more on the cautious side...which we found out about a week later.
So, while I was on bed rest, I had plenty of things to take care of at home. I wanted to clean the house, get the baby's room a little more organized, the list goes on and on. A few days in, I had a huge meltdown after an entire day on the couch. I was bored. I was tired of being told I couldn't get up and do certain things, even though I had SO MUCH to do. After many tears I made myself get up and get in the shower and I felt much better. It was from then on I decided that I would no longer sit in my pajama's all day long and sit in my own misery. Every day, I would make a point to get up, shower, put some makeup and put in fresh clothes. This proved to makes a work of difference.
I went in for a routine monthly visit. When the doctor came in, he asked if I'd had a particularly stressful day. I sort of laughed and said it had been a particularly stressful week. After all, just a week before this appointment is when we lost Tom and dealt with everything that follows. It turns out my blood pressure was a little on the high side He didn't seem too concerned, but instead told me to come back in a week and try to meditate before I came in. Sure, I'll try to relax when I fly out of work at 5:00 and fight traffic all the way in to Joliet to make my appointment.
The next week was more of the same, high blood pressure. Another doctor had me lay on my side and took my blood pressure again which was lower this time. He wasn't too concerened, but to be on the safe side, he ran a few tests which meant more blood work and peeing into a jug for 24 hours...a nightmare! What happened at my next appointment was completely unexpected. My doctor came into the room and announced that I was pre-eclamptic. For future reference the Mayo Clinic describes preeclampsia as a condition of pregnancy marked by high blood pressure and excess protein in your urine after 20 weeks of pregnancy. Preeclampsia often causes only modest increases in blood pressure. Left untreated, however, preeclampsia can lead to serious — even fatal — complications for both you and your baby. If you have preeclampsia, the only cure is delivery of your baby. If you're diagnosed with preeclampsia too early in your pregnancy for delivery to be an option, you and your doctor need to allow your baby more time to mature, without putting you or your baby at risk of serious complications.
 |
| Cooper is really enjoying bed rest. |
Another part of the diagnosis meant I had to see a fetal specialist each week, in addition to my weekly appointments with my regular doctor. The specialist is there basically to run the same tests as my doctor but he is also a little more on the cautious side...which we found out about a week later.
So, while I was on bed rest, I had plenty of things to take care of at home. I wanted to clean the house, get the baby's room a little more organized, the list goes on and on. A few days in, I had a huge meltdown after an entire day on the couch. I was bored. I was tired of being told I couldn't get up and do certain things, even though I had SO MUCH to do. After many tears I made myself get up and get in the shower and I felt much better. It was from then on I decided that I would no longer sit in my pajama's all day long and sit in my own misery. Every day, I would make a point to get up, shower, put some makeup and put in fresh clothes. This proved to makes a work of difference.
Adventures at Babies R Us
For months, I looked forward to the day we got to register for baby gifts. I even looked forward to being able to park in the "expectant mothers" spot right in front of the store! I thought the whole process would be just as easy and just as fun as registering for wedding gifts. Not the case. If you register for the wrong spatula, no big deal, return it. If you don't use some fancy vase, no big deal, save it for a special occasion. But baby stuff? This is on an entirely different level.
I knew I would need to do some research on the safety ratings, friends favorite things, etc. I asked around to many of my friends who are mothers and got some great information. I went in thinking I was totally prepared with all of my lists. I even prepared Eric for the long haul by telling him this could take a few hours...never really expecting it would. Within two minutes, it was obvious, I was not prepared.
I, along with about 20 other couples chose one Sunday afternoon (when the Bears weren't playing) to register. In addition to my list, Babies R Us also gave us one of their own. Obviously trying to sell us on superfluous items, but it confused me none the less. The first aisle we attempted was safety kits (booger suckers, nail clippers, etc.)...and it turns out, they don't even sell neutral safety kits. After ten minutes of standing there, I gave up and decided to come back to that aisle later. We basically ended up just walking up and down the aisles and scanning things, all the while I was thinking I would have to go back and change it when I got home.
Eric was quite the trooper. Every time he saw me getting frustrated (which was often), he would tell me to relax, take my time, and not get worked up. Then we would get back on track and start again. I was surprised at how easy the big items were to pick out. I thought we would stand there playing with a ton of high chairs, car seats, and strollers for long periods of time, but it turns out, those were the easy decisions.
When I realized that all the couples who started out their registries at the same time as us, were all LONG gone, I started to give up too. I left feeling like I didn't register for all the things I wanted because a) i ran out of patience or b) because it was all blue or pink. Luckily, the internet saved the day and I was able to go on later and research and take the time out to really pick some things I wanted.
I laugh now and what a spaz I was about the whole thing, but then again, I am like that with most big decisions.
I knew I would need to do some research on the safety ratings, friends favorite things, etc. I asked around to many of my friends who are mothers and got some great information. I went in thinking I was totally prepared with all of my lists. I even prepared Eric for the long haul by telling him this could take a few hours...never really expecting it would. Within two minutes, it was obvious, I was not prepared.
I, along with about 20 other couples chose one Sunday afternoon (when the Bears weren't playing) to register. In addition to my list, Babies R Us also gave us one of their own. Obviously trying to sell us on superfluous items, but it confused me none the less. The first aisle we attempted was safety kits (booger suckers, nail clippers, etc.)...and it turns out, they don't even sell neutral safety kits. After ten minutes of standing there, I gave up and decided to come back to that aisle later. We basically ended up just walking up and down the aisles and scanning things, all the while I was thinking I would have to go back and change it when I got home.
Eric was quite the trooper. Every time he saw me getting frustrated (which was often), he would tell me to relax, take my time, and not get worked up. Then we would get back on track and start again. I was surprised at how easy the big items were to pick out. I thought we would stand there playing with a ton of high chairs, car seats, and strollers for long periods of time, but it turns out, those were the easy decisions.
When I realized that all the couples who started out their registries at the same time as us, were all LONG gone, I started to give up too. I left feeling like I didn't register for all the things I wanted because a) i ran out of patience or b) because it was all blue or pink. Luckily, the internet saved the day and I was able to go on later and research and take the time out to really pick some things I wanted.
I laugh now and what a spaz I was about the whole thing, but then again, I am like that with most big decisions.
Saying Goodbye
Unfortunately, I've been down this road plenty of times before to know how it works. You go through the motions of looking through pictures, telling funny stories, wakes, funerals, the whole nine yards. It's not until the day after, when all is said and done, that it really hits.
I find myself wishing for just one more visit, even for an hour so I can hear his voice and remember it, really remember it. Of course Tom had his signature sayings which we've all been repeating for the last few days, but I just want to hear them from him again...not through memory, but out loud, with my own two ears. I want to walk in my parents house and see him sitting in his spot on the couch, TV guide in hand, asking when he was going to my wedding.
It wasn't until today that I realized that no matter how frustrating it could be sometimes with Tom, there wasn't a single time I was with him that he didn't make me smile and laugh. Even if it was just his obsession with lining things up on the table. Maybe I found this amusing because he and I share the same love of organization and symmetry. Even if it was the sound of him singing or laughing at the TV or calling something a "dum fing" or showing us his teeth for a picture, I was always laughing.
I have plenty of great memories with him, but the one I keep coming back to, is that from about a year ago. I came over to hang out with Tom while my parents went to a wedding. He sat at the table and helped me put together goodie bags for an upcoming bachelorette party. Of course asking if every bag was for him. Anytime there was a gift in sight, Tom thought it was for him. After that, I popped in good old Beatles Rockband, let Tom pick the setlist, and put on a concert for him. He was my best back up singer, whether he knew the words or not. After every song I turned to him and waited for my applause, sometimes having to beg for it. That night even marked my first "bathroom" experience which I won't get into, but I still laugh about today.
I remember feeling a sense of satisfaction when you could get a good hug out of him. Usually this consisted of him slamming his body against you and burying his head in your chest. They were the best hugs. And it seems, after looking through all the pictures, that he was always being hugged back. I hope he felt as special getting those hugs and we did getting them from him.
It breaks my heart to know that Lil Lax will never meet Tom. He knew there was a baby coming and although he may not have liked the idea at first, I imagine they would have been quite the entertaining duo. Tom wasn't the biggest baby fan, often yelling "NO!" when we mentioned it, but he was there to offer a name suggestion. He suggested we name the baby 'Coocachoo', or something just as silly. While that may not make my top ten names, it is yet another thing to make me smile.
As they say, time heals all wounds, but I just don't know how this void can be filled. He left such an impression on everyone he met. This was obvious when seeing all the people who came to say goodbye to him. He wasn't just my uncle Tom, he was a brother, a son, an uncle and a friend. A friend I wasn't ready to let go of yet.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)